So here I sit once again in the tensions of the opposite. While language school has given me both a purpose and an excuse for being in Guatemala, it is also my least favorite part of the trip 🙃. It’s not that I don’t want to learn Spanish, it’s quite the opposite,  I want to learn. But for me it brings out all of my learning disabilities that I worked so hard to compensate for/and hide as child. Try having a speech and language issue combined with dyslexia and learning another language…. welp that’s me. Talk about insecurities on display. But that’s ok,  that’s what we are here for right? To sit outside our comforts zone in a country where we know no one,  where we don’t speak the language,  and don’t quite yet fully understand the culture.  To sit with the tensions of the opposite and want be here yet dread having our insecurities put on display. I spent yesterday with my teacher who is tougher than tough and exactly what I need if I am ever gonna learn.  She might not be the easiest but she is a straight shooter like me and doesn’t seem to give 2 flying… insert word… about my IEP that I so desperately need lol.

Also it’s day two and we bearly cracked the book.  We’ve just been talking… for what seems like hours.  We’ve discussed culture,  her family,  my family,  jobs, abuse, relationships,  domestic violence,  poverty,  and well the list goes on.  To be clear every part of me is exhausted and simply spent from such intensive conversations in a completely different language and though I long for a vocabulary card or two instead,  I know that this is the only way to force learning for myself.  

Our school has moved and they now have two new locations, our house is in a different part of town,  so in many ways it’s been a very real reorientating experience for myself.  Yesterday I had my first real taste of familiarity when we all decided to go to Salsa y Mas studio for free salsa lessons.  Upon entering I was greeted by one of my old instructors who remembered me and also remembered Michael and Kianna.  He even commented about playing basketball with Michael everyday after school.  It was nice to see a familiar face.  It was even cooler that my brother and Maggie joined in and learned along side me.  Side note, I was very impressed with my brother’s abilities and honestly kinda shocked.  

Today we were blessed to have our grounds keeper Felipe and our housekeeper Dona Clara tend to our house.  There’s this mix of emotions that comes from being taken care of by others.  On one hand it’s like wow do I really need all this care, and the other hand I am so happy to be providing employment for those that are local in the community. This came up in class today when we talked about the cost of living and wages here in Guatemala vs the US (ugh see what I mean, this ain’t no Duolingo). The conclusion was it’s all relative in cost when it comes to wages and cost of living,  However the biggest difference is the ability to gain employment. Work is hard to find and the type of work offered is hard….. and I mean physically hard.  So while I feel silly to have 2 people coming 3x a week to tend to a house we are perfectly capable of caring for,  I am thankful for the ability to provide income to others.  

There was another pause in my day as the realities of home where brought to my attention. My heart is broken for the families of MSD as they are forced to relive the most horrific moments of their lives, and for what seems like a very cruel and pointless endeavor,  because facts are facts and they are well known.  My heart aches for those families I worked closely with and its been extremely difficult for those of us that worked with the families to watch them suffer yet again. I am angry for them,  I am sad for them,  I hurt for them, and today many of us have cried with them and for them. My heart is heavy. 

I just finished blogging with Luca, which has become a highlight of my day (and I think maybe his too). While I started this post this am before anyone else was up,  I finish it tonight by the fire in the Sala. I am beyond ready for bed as the today has been draining in many of ways.