Lord knows that I can’t sit still,  or sit in silence,  or hold empty space (except when doing therapy sessions). I mean, I can barely get through a TV show most days.  I am in constant motion or constantly stimulated. I can’t make it thru a red light without scrolling tiktok, or cook without the background noise of the TV.  But here in Guatemala I crave the lack of social media,  the lack of constantly being updated by the news (I mean wow Trump), and the lack of constant email and text that I feel compelled to respond to instantly because we are all now accessible 24-7. Getting a dopamine hit from other things outside of social media feels so much better, and I don’t miss it one bit.  We’ve replaced human interaction with 30-second clips of other people’s lives.  So the question is, are we holding space for people and experiences in our lives, or are we simply filling space?

I blog to you today from the road while we journey from Atitlan to Antigua as the “kids” play I spy.  Oddly leaving the lake feels much like you do after you’ve had a really great trip but you can’t wait to be home in your own bed.  To me Antigua feels like going home.  My trips to Guatemala began with the duo (Kianna and Michael) and they have evolved over the years with different people and combinations of people joining in.  It’s always fun to see how the combination of people will meld not just in the easy fun times, but even more so during the bumps that can happen along the way with international travel (luckily we haven’t had many). This year we have Elissa (Kianna’s roommate) joining our story in our travels and she couldn’t be a better fit.  I am grateful for kind girls who exemplify what it means to just be good people. A highlight for me so far on our journey (aside from “I spy”) happened our first night at the lake. Nicole and I were upstairs getting settled into the house and the kids were all downstairs, and I hear them say to each other “what were your peaks and valleys of the day.” This truly touched my heart that they not only thought to do it (something we’ve done on all our trips) but that they chose to reflect on the day on their own without having to be prompted. More gratitude is something I want to ensure we all walk away from our trips with, not just of the big things like being able take this trip, but for the effort of others that goes into making our food, or carrying our bags up the hill,  or driving us safely. The mindset that we get to do things and try things not that we have to.  Acknowledging our privilege and being gracious in how we receive or experience things from others along our journey is a lesson for us all. 

By far the hardest part of travel for me is the packing. My hard rule of “no checked bags and if you can’t carry it yourself don’t bring it” makes packing a challenge to say the least.  It also puts into perspective how much you think you need in life vs how much you actually need. Makes me grateful that being in Central America is more about what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with rather than what you’re wearing.  I can wear the same outfit a 100x and no one would even notice or care.  So wish us luck as we pack 3 weeks worth of items into a backpack…Guate bound in T minutes 9 hours.

I feel like I blinked, and this trip has come to an end. No part of me is ready. I am not ready to leave my walking city with 75-degree weather, not ready for school, not ready for a lot of things that we face going back home. Being in Antigua isn’t like a regular vacation. It’s really like being in a second home…. so I never feel an urgency to leave. I also am not ready to have the girls and Luca gone. The feeling of walking away without the girls in tow at the airport was pretty overwhelming to me. It’s a rare thing to be with people for two weeks and not have a single moment where you desire a break from each other. So we either did a really great job of naturally giving each other space, or we are just really meshed so well. I have a feeling it was a combination of both. I hope you’ll hear from this crew again someday. Thanks for following along.

Here in the states when someone asks me what I do for a living I usually get one of two reactions:

1. people have the persception that we are baby snatchers, or

2. I get the dreadful “poor you how awful your job must be look.”

But in Guatemala when people ask what I do for work and I say I am a Social Worker….their reactions are quite different. Their faces light up in awe and amazingment. Much like the reaction a doctor or lawyer would get, or the same as Nicole gets when she says she’s a Midwife. I noticed this reaction my first two times in Guatemala. This time I pointed it out to Nicole and she noticed it as well. Clearly to be a social worker here means something quite different to the Guatemalan people. I wanna know more. I am intriqued by their reaction and can feel an instant endearment to me when I talk about the work I do. No one looks sorry for me like they do in the states. In the states I am not sure if the looks I get are related to the toughness of my job or the salary my job alludes to. I love the work I do and this is the first time I see a reflection back from a community that miorrors how I feel about my profession. I am intrigued and hoping next time I am here that I can have more converstations about their perspectives on social work.

Nicole touched on something in an earlier post that I wanted to piggy back on a little. She talked about a converstation she had where the fact that Nicole and I are two working non married woman who are able to travel freely was pointed out to her. Funny thing is it wasn’t until she shared her converstation with me that I even stopped to take pause about that simple fact that I clearly take for granted. If I allow myself to view my own situation from the vantage point of a typical Guatemalan woman or man…how insane that concept must seem. To be completely financially independent and to be free to do as I please is something I very much take for granted. Not to dismiss the fact that I work two jobs, but to their point the fact that I am able to find two jobs to have is something inconceivable to them. Access to education, that then gave me access to jobs (in a country with jobs), that then gave me freedom and independence. I don’t have to have a husband to survive or feed myself. I don’t require support. And because no one else is supporting me no one gets the right to dictate me either. If I choose to be with someone it is because I desire to be with him, not because I am just trying to survive. If I am in an unhealthy relationship I am free to go because I have the means to do so. I also have a huge support system in my life of family and friends that if I ever find myself in a situation I can’t manage on my own I know I have people willing to back me. It’s hard to place myself in the shoes of a “typical woman” here. Being in the outside towns and also at the clinic with Nicole the other day were great experience to help me grow my empathy, and the amount of empathy I feel is overwhelming. I also have a great deal of admiration for the hard work that living here requires. Nothing is easy here. Everything takes effort. We drove through other villages on our way to Pacaya and saw life outside of a very touristy Antigua. Watching the woman of the villages we passed having to walk down hills to the community water spouts and then lug the juggs of water back home, or carry their laundry to the community pila only to carry it home wet to hang. Women and men carring large heavy objects hanging from their heads. The quote “necessity is the mother of invention” is something you see in live living color here. They have created ways of doing things to help make life a little easier, all while, from my perspective, life is still far harder here. And yet kindness prevailes. People here are kind and genuine. Life is slower here and when you aren’t all self consumed (like we are most times in our society) you get to really engage with people. Experiences like this continue to reinforce my belief that to be human and to treat others not just with kindness but with empathy outside of our own understanding is the most coveted quality someone can possess.

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22 years ago, this little tiny baby girl came into the world, and I became a God mother. I had no idea the woman she would become.  Let me tell you about Kianna….

Kianna was part of my very first trip to Guatemala and really my first trip out of the country alone as the only responsible adult. To express what it’s like to be back in Guate 5 years later with her is pretty hard to put into words. But my goodness, oh how she’s grown in the last 5 years. From basic things like 5 years ago using an ATM for the first time and it happening in Guatemala, to problem solving and being aware of and observant of things around her. To this year she’s the driving force behind school. She is nearly fully bilingual now after living in Miami. Simply having her around has brought so much to my experience. The quite moments in the house gave us time to talk and the adventures gave me time to observe her and all of the great that she is. I can’t imagine being here without her. She is kind to her core, she’s got skills (like the ones that matter in relationships, in dealing with others, and with coping with life) that not many others might notice but I see them and they are impressive, especially for someone her age. She is learning about herself still and though it might not be easy for her it’s incredible to watch. I talk about just being a good human all the time to people, especially in todays climate with politics and world relations. Well Kianna is just a good human and I am so proud of all that she is and all that she is destined to become. I hope that she remembers that you don’t have to have it all figured out to know that you’re doing just fine.

What you may not realize is that we mostly blog individually, and so blogs post alerts are exciting for us too. One of my motivations for creating the blog was to allow others to get a glimpse into our experiences, but also for those of us on the trip get to hear each other’s perspective of the same events. Luca is my most consistent blogger. This year was quite different as he didn’t blog with me, but rather with Nicole or the girls. While this change in routine was hard for me, and I missed our nightly alone time to blog, it was fun to read his blogs like everyone else. In his last post, he said something casual, but it struck my heart when he said….”my Tia.” Something so simple, but yet so endearing. So let me tell you about my Luca. He gives so much love and brings constant movement to the group. He also helps me practice patience… something that is hard for this ADD woman. His love for music (something we have made a huge part of our relationship since covid days), his constant reminder to be present in the moment, and the joy that came from watching him learn in language school. So happy we get these moments and I love being his Tia.

So unbeknownst to me when I entered my first blog before leaving for Guatemala I renamed Kayla for the entirety of the trip. Instead of writing Kayla, I mistyped and wrote Kyla. Little did I know that Kayla’s teacher would also misname her on the first day of school…. and thus Kyla was officially born. I am pretty sure I won’t be able to go back to calling her Kayla, at least not anytime soon. Kyla just feels so right. It also kept the girls from being called each others names.

Each of the younger ones have brought so much to this trip and something unique to the dynamics of this trip. Kayla has brought joy, adventure, fun, creativity, competition (to our already competitive Nicole), and a sense of humor that keeps things so light hearted. She’s my kindred spirit when it comes to being game for anything. I love how unapologetic she was about not knowing something and how she really wanted to learn. She’s an adoring little sister of her big sister and sweet, patient, and fun with Luca. Is she still a typical teenager? Absolutely 💯. Think that made it even nicer to experience. She’s a very typical teenager yet at her core she’s a sweet, kind, loving young lady. I can’t wait to see how she continues to grow.